The Best Fiend and Dad I Can Be: Angel
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The Best Fiend
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a television show about the
eponymous teenager fighting evil in Sunnydale, California.
Angel is her love interest for the first three seasons before going
his own way and starting a paranormal investigations agency in
Angel: The Series.
Draven’s Angel gets his start the same way many of his
headmates will: online role-playing. Angel starts in a Yahoo chat
room, and while the claimed date ranges anywhere from 2000
on, the first hard evidence I have of Angel's existence is a series of
Deadjournal posts from a follower named Bar on May 25, 2002.
It seems suiting that the first mention of Angel I can find is
a theatrical drama involving break-up and betrayal. But the
woman involved isn't W. It’s a much younger girl who’s still
involved with her parents-- though she’s “destroyed her parents'
perception of her,” “broke their hearts,” and “her mom doesn't
want her calling her motehr[sic] anymore" (as quoted by Bar,
2002 May 25b). The mom is referred to as “mrs. summers,” but
this clearly isn’t her real name; it’s a reference to Buffy Summers.
All of this strongly implies that this person is hosting a Buffy to
complement Draven’s Angel, just as W hosted Scully and Krycek
for William. I will thus call her Buffy I.
The chat log transcribed in Bar’s post is the first clear
nonfiction reference I can find to Draven's violent tendencies:
"He's got a temper, and a very short fuse. I've heard him snap and
yell at [Buffy I], while he's here." Angel's response is an
immediate, "THAT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIE!!" but considering
what will come to light later on, I doubt it.
Bar's posts also contain the first notation I can find of
Draven using suicide to bind a follower to them; she writes,
"according to the Dead one's post in his equally Dead journal..
I'm the only thing that kept him from ending it" (2002 May 25c).
His controlling tactics prove more fruitful here than on Usenet;
Bar only becomes more devoted to him. "I love you, Angel," she
writes (ibid). "You're one of the best friends someone could ever
have. And like I said.. I believe in you. You're REAL. Not
something dreamed up by some half-crazy person living in
Maine, or even by Joss Whedon. You're Liam Kirwan, with a
demon inside."
"Liam," I know, comes from the TV show; it was Angel’s
original human name. (And it might've meshed nicely with Fox's
name, William.) I'm not sure where "Kirwan" came from; it's
possibly an acronym of letters from all the system members'
names as they appeared in chronological order: Kurt, ErIc (the
Crow), Robin, William, ANgel. And as for the "demon inside,"
that's Angelus. More on him in the next chapter.
Anyway, within six months of the break-up with Buffy I
and two months after the sites for William and W disappear,
Angel has a new Buffy, an eighteen-year-old multiple with the
Yahoo! ID of Buffy Draven (2003). Hereafter, I will refer to her as
Buffy II.
During this time, Angel claims to be running Aeternum
Investigations (2002 October 19), taking calls and investigating
paranormal occurrences with various people from Angel: the
Series, but it's hard to tell what is role-play and what is reality. For
instance, Angel discusses a case in Simi Valley, California, and acts
as though the agency is in LA, but Buffy II's DeadJournal from
the time lists her as living in Maine (citation available upon
request), which seems far more likely. It seems most likely that
they were enacting these Aeternum Investigations cases in
Maine, as a sort of reality-blurring psychodrama with a
metaphysical gloss that Draven call "bi-location."
What is bi-location? Draven describes it as, “a form of
existing/interaction wherein our people […] speak, interact, and
react as if they’re in a specific place in their own origin timeline,
thus facilitating certain experiences that they need to grow,
evolve, heal, or otherwise move on” (2018, May 8). In other
words, to quote an ex-follower: “To the outside viewer, this looks
like constant roleplay/LARP" (personal communication, 2017).
But Draven takes it extremely seriously, and it can get violent:
they describe “tears and screaming and maybe throwing things,”
pulling (unloaded) guns on each other, “sobbing hysterically, for
a full ten minutes,” and injuries including “a couple concussions”
(2018 May 8). And of course, since it’s all “real,” the participants
must continue until it is done, sometimes for solid hours; at no
time can they quit, the way one could in a game. “I used to get
bitched out about ‘ruining his uber’ or ‘breaking uber’ which is
the terminology he would use to mean we all had to front Matrix
personas like we were actually still in that world AND this one,
all the time,” an ex-follower reports (personal communication,
2018 June 18). “Real-life concerns were never allowed to take full
precedence.”
This is not acceptable behavior for plurals, whatever their
origin. If two people need to hash something out, wherever they
are, they can do it with a conversation. Under no circumstances
is drawing weapons, screaming, or attacking each other
acceptable; neither is pretending that the subjective and the
corporeal world are the same, or overlaying each other. That is
actively blurring one’s experience of reality to intensify emotion
and create traumatic bonding, and is far better at breaking
someone’s psyche than healing it. But Draven acts as though the
violence and intensity is a feature, not a bug: “turning that off
would be muting people’s legitimate responses to situations, and
we don’t do that” (2018 May 8).
But let’s get back to Angel. In December 2002, he starts
posting photos on what used to be William's website. Most of
them are selfies, but he also posts pictures of medals from his
competitions in Tae Kwon Do and talks about the weapons he
owns, including, "My signature weapon. Black nunchaku with
blue dragons on them," and a "dragon's-head sword cane" to
which he adds "since the sword has to unscrew from the rest of
the cane(even though two or three sharp twists of my wrist does
it nicely), it doesn't qualify as a concealed weapon..... meaning I
can take it with me more or less anywhere I go" (December
2002a, b, c, and d). Combined with his short temper and his later
arrests, it's all rather unsettling.
A couple months later, Angel posts his formal coming out
on his website, (2003 February 3). "I've been told I'm an excellent
'RP'er, that I 'play a rockin' Angel'," he writes, "and though I'm
grateful for these compliments, it's time I explained to all of you
WHY that is." He then posts what appears to be an IM chat log of
a follower explaining Angel to someone else: "[William] sort of...
Channels Angel. [...] william's life is entirely ic [in character]." The
follower adds, "Will...we call him 'the vessel' because it's sort of as
if will's body had Angel's soul and was seeking the retribution it
needs. [...] he's Angel."
It's the same narrative from the Crow, the seeking of
revenge and closure. But the context of who William is never
comes up; that system member will never be mentioned again, as
far as I can tell, and it’s unclear whether the follower even knows
William’s significance. Is William Mulder gone? Is he now just a
hollow shell Angel is acting through? It's hard to tell. Draven
certainly never bothers to clarify.
The web page isn't just a coming out, though. It's also a
rant, very similar to William's from two years earlier, complaining
about Angel's life and suffering being commercialized for the
masses. "I was me long before pop culture became a 'staple'" he
claims, (falsely: Angel had been on screen for at least three or
four years before Draven's Angel appeared) and "it has managed,
in more ways than one, to MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL." He
complains that people don't understand his guilt, his suffering,
his aching to let Angelus out. "Do you KNOW how many teenage
girls have said to me 'Oooh, Angelus is so much sexier than
Angel..... I love the bad boys and oooh, those leather pants.'
-sighs-"
It’s uncertain if he includes his own teenage "wife" in that
complaint, or the teenage girls who overwhelmingly make up his
followers. The whole thing is a backhanded insult to them, a
demand they bend over backwards to prove they’re not like
those other girls.
Angel goes on to explain, "I take my 'RP' so goddamned
seriously. It's an outlet for me, the only one I have, short of doing
my sword kata alone in the dark, Tae Kwon Do and the actual AI
office, my writing and my dreams...."
Imagine being Buffy II, getting up in the middle of the
night for a drink, only to find this man practicing martial arts
with a sword in the dark! But regardless, the AI office likely
doesn’t even corporeally exist; it’s merely an extension of the role-
play. And the role-playing isn’t an outlet so much as a
recruitment and grooming tactic. Angel, Sirius, Neo, House,
Anakin, the Phantom, all of them gain followers through role-
play, waiting until their fellow players are hooked before
disclosing their identities. Followers think they're playing a
game, only for it to take up more and more of their time, the
boundary between fantasy and reality eroded into nonexistence.
It becomes reality, a cause to save the world, a cult.
Even though Angel has long since deleted and purged his
Deadjournal, some of his followers' accounts still remain, bearing
witness to the breakdown of their reality. Connor describes
staying up all night with the group, having nightmares and
intrusive memories from the Buffy world (2004 March 18).
Another follower worries he's having prophetic nightmares (Jon,
2003). They and Angel all mention a coming war (Jon, 2004;
Connor, 2003 February 24a).
It's not just on Deadjournal either. Aeternum
Investigations becomes Angel Investigations, and in April of 2003,
Angel creates a current events blog for its formal opening, (2003
April 19) then a proper website (2004 February 8). On the latter
is a special note with the words, "It has been brought to our
attention recently that a lot of people [...] have been feeling
something akin to 'a mounting concern'.... for something that
may or may not happen, but nonetheless feels like it's going to.
[...] These feelings and precognitive perceptions are highly
subjective and personal [...] but [...] they all have a common
denominator: A coming battle, some disaster or Apocalyptic
event, or the need to gather together with people who have had
similar sights.... feelings.... experiences.... to […] prepare for it"
(Draven, 2003 October 17a).
Whatever the nature of this vague future hypothetical
event, the web-page reassures, "We're here..... when you need us.”
Naturally, the Angel Investigations homepage has a
disclaimer that they have nothing to do with the Joss Whedon
show (Draven, 2004 February 8). But what exactly do they do?
Mostly, the site is a rehash of Black Fox Solutions; they even
mention helping with "UFO or Abduction Sightings and Reports"
(2003 October 17b). They also mention being available for
"Bodyguarding, Protection, and Safety Companion Services,"
stating, "We put safe resolution of all conflicts as our top priority,
using force only when absolutely necessary and when there is no
other choice" (emphasis his) (ibid). Why would Angel consider
himself up to the task of being a bodyguard? What are his
credentials? He offers none, and his earlier fixation on
impractical, highly decorated weaponry doesn’t help.
The whole thing doesn’t appear particularly convincing
for adults, but perhaps it would appeal to teenagers who don’t
know what bodyguard duty actually entails. A proper martial
artist wouldn’t care whether their swords and nunchaku had
dragon decorations on them, except as a sign that they’re meant
for decoration. To a child, however, such details might seem
cool, a sign of maturity and worldliness.
Tellingly, the first thing Angel offers assistance in above all
else is "Lost or Missing Children and Teens" (2003 October 17b).
"Are YOU a 'lost or missing teen'?" The page reads. "Are you out
there wandering, not knowing who to turn to? Are you in
trouble with the law, with drugs or alcohol, or just lost in
general? We can help. Whether it's a safe shelter, a hot shower,
and a phone available to call your family, whether it's a direction
to be pointed in -- human services, a shelter, a drug and alcohol
rehabilitation program, other things -- we can help." And despite
his apparent disdain for teenage girls, he wants them not just as
clients, but as followers too. Buffy II is eighteen, but Bar, Connor,
and Faith are all younger, and Connor in particular will become
one of Draven’s most devoted followers.
On Angel: the Series, Connor is Angel's son, but Draven's
Connor is staunchly female (Connor, 2004 November 12).
Nevertheless, Angel persuades her that he is her "true" father on
a spiritual/metaphysical level (Draven, 2003 November 4) and
she is metaphysically Connor, quantum-reincarnated from the
show. It works: Connor takes to calling Angel “Dad" (2004 April
19) or “Pops" (2004 May 4) and in a later online survey declares
that Angel knows her the best, is closest to her, and of all the
people in her life, talks to her most on the phone and online
(2004 November 12).
In the early grooming love-bombing stage, Angel leaves
loving, attentive comments on Connor’s blog posts. By November
of 2003, he's saying things like, "no matter what happens, I love
you and I'm here for you anytime, under any circumstances.
You're truly my C.F. [Connor Finnegan], and i won't ever forget
that... I owe you a debt that I can't ever repay, except to be the
best fiend [sic] and 'Dad' I can be" (2003 November 4). A few
months later, he tells her, "You're my hero. I couldn't be prouder,"
(2004 April 18) and compliments her on her devotion, saying,
"You're the most loyal son anyone could hope to have, and I will
ALWAYS love you" (2004 April 22).
Draven lies about his love, but he is sadly correct about
Connor's loyalty. She takes to signing her posts with the name
he’s given her, Connor Finnegan Kirwan Draven (2004, June 1),
and all of her Deadjournal posts name her as "Kiddo AKA C.F,"
basing her identity around her relationship to Angel just as Buffy
II did. She becomes so invested in Angel's Mission that when she
turns eighteen, she has a fight with her parents over him (2004,
November 10). "My folks have made it quite clear that that I am
NOT allowed to use my [birthday] money to go visit Dad in
Maine,which is pissing me right the fuck off," she posts. "I've
been wanting to go visit Dad for little over three years,this isn't
fair!"
Tellingly, Angel draws her fictional incarnation's portrait,
twice, (2004a and b) but never her actual self. It seems he is
unable to see Connor as she is, only as he wants her to be.
Connor isn't the only one, either. Much like Anthony
Shriek, Angel has pretensions of becoming a painter, and he
creates an art website, Draven's Domain (2004c). While he claims
to be a "Symbolist/Surrealist" who is "inspired -- but not directed
-- by Dali, Escher, Giger, Munch, and Bosch," his gallery is
populated entirely with Buffy fanart of mediocre quality, clearly
copied from the show (Draven, 2004a, b, and d). The flatness of
the images, the odd heads floating over random textures, all
suggest Draven copying images without understanding the
underlying structure. For instance, the image below was likely
copied from the photograph at left, but since Draven didn’t
understand the structure of anatomy and lighting, his shading
ends up awkward, with an erased line down the right side of
Connor’s face and disproportionate attention drawn to the
indentations above the upper lip.
(Promo image from Angel: The Series, vs. Angel’s 2004 sketch)
There are only a couple paintings that contain any
originality, and all show a novice’s understanding of anatomy,
lighting, and perspective. One depicts a blond-haired girl,
presumably Buffy, and a black-haired man, presumably Angel,
hanged on trees next to each other, reaching out to touch hands.
Angel’s caption reads, “This piece speaks to the dichotomy that
none of us can exist without; Good and Evil, Heaven and Hell,
dark and light” (Draven, 2003b). It certainly seems to mesh with
the fixation all of Draven have on their partners cosmically,
metaphysically balancing them, though I have no idea why both
are being hanged. Is it a statement on being lynched, being
misunderstood by the people around them? Who knows.
Ruin and Repent is more interesting. A self-portrait, it
depicts Draven as Christ on the cross, a literal broken messiah
(2003a) while what appears to be an apocalyptic volcano erupts
in the background. Angel seems unaware of the egotism and
grandiosity inherent in such a comparison.
Draven accompanies the painting with a description: “We
are all martyrs to our own cause. Alone, cast out, waiting for the
crowd to come and watch us slowly wither to nothing. This
piece speaks to our fears, our nightmares -- but also to our hope,
our joyousness, our hope of salvation and redemption" (2004c).
For three sentences, this description says a lot.
Purification and salvation is a theme Draven will return to again
and again; recall that William also described his BDSM with
Krycek as “redemption” (2001, June 13). However, this is the first
time that Draven admits that their redemption requires others
witnessing it. It’s not enough to save humanity; they need an
appreciative audience. Otherwise, they are nothing. This will
become a clear influence on their behavior to this day.
There also might be a more literal meaning to the painting;
in the background, there is what appears to be an erupting
volcano, or perhaps the Hellmouth of Buffy lore. Perhaps the
work is just a bald statement of Angel’s role in saving humanity
from a demonic apocalypse, via his own self-sacrifice (witnessed
and reflected by others, of course).
Interestingly, Angel draws himself, not the fictional actors
he uses when drawing all of his friends. It’s as though he’s the
only person who gets to be real in his own mind.
Like Kurt's band, these artistic pursuits don't seem to
come to anything; aside from one self-reported gallery show in
July (2004f), I can find no mention of sales, shows, or reviews.
This doesn't surprise me. Technical flaws aside, none of Draven
seem capable of artistic originality; they can only riff off of
existing works by other artists they admire--Kurt Cobain, Chris
Colfer, or Joss Whedon. Despite their rants about "Pop Culture"
or "PC," none of Draven seem capable of creativity without it.
Which is fine, except that they keep trying to portray themselves
as visionaries and professionals.
Through all of this, Angel isn't alone; he has Angelus with
him.
The Best Fiend
and Dad I Can Be: Angel
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a television show about the
eponymous teenager fighting evil in Sunnydale, California.
Angel is her love interest for the first three seasons before going
his own way and starting a paranormal investigations agency in
Angel: The Series.
Draven’s Angel gets his start the same way many of his
headmates will: online role-playing. Angel starts in a Yahoo chat
room, and while the claimed date ranges anywhere from 2000
on, the first hard evidence I have of Angel's existence is a series of
Deadjournal posts from a follower named Bar on May 25, 2002.
It seems suiting that the first mention of Angel I can find is
a theatrical drama involving break-up and betrayal. But the
woman involved isn't W. It’s a much younger girl who’s still
involved with her parents-- though she’s “destroyed her parents'
perception of her,” “broke their hearts,” and “her mom doesn't
want her calling her motehr[sic] anymore" (as quoted by Bar,
2002 May 25b). The mom is referred to as “mrs. summers,” but
this clearly isn’t her real name; it’s a reference to Buffy Summers.
All of this strongly implies that this person is hosting a Buffy to
complement Draven’s Angel, just as W hosted Scully and Krycek
for William. I will thus call her Buffy I.
The chat log transcribed in Bar’s post is the first clear
nonfiction reference I can find to Draven's violent tendencies:
"He's got a temper, and a very short fuse. I've heard him snap and
yell at [Buffy I], while he's here." Angel's response is an
immediate, "THAT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIE!!" but considering
what will come to light later on, I doubt it.
Bar's posts also contain the first notation I can find of
Draven using suicide to bind a follower to them; she writes,
"according to the Dead one's post in his equally Dead journal..
I'm the only thing that kept him from ending it" (2002 May 25c).
His controlling tactics prove more fruitful here than on Usenet;
Bar only becomes more devoted to him. "I love you, Angel," she
writes (ibid). "You're one of the best friends someone could ever
have. And like I said.. I believe in you. You're REAL. Not
something dreamed up by some half-crazy person living in
Maine, or even by Joss Whedon. You're Liam Kirwan, with a
demon inside."
"Liam," I know, comes from the TV show; it was Angel’s
original human name. (And it might've meshed nicely with Fox's
name, William.) I'm not sure where "Kirwan" came from; it's
possibly an acronym of letters from all the system members'
names as they appeared in chronological order: Kurt, ErIc (the
Crow), Robin, William, ANgel. And as for the "demon inside,"
that's Angelus. More on him in the next chapter.
Anyway, within six months of the break-up with Buffy I
and two months after the sites for William and W disappear,
Angel has a new Buffy, an eighteen-year-old multiple with the
Yahoo! ID of Buffy Draven (2003). Hereafter, I will refer to her as
Buffy II.
During this time, Angel claims to be running Aeternum
Investigations (2002 October 19), taking calls and investigating
paranormal occurrences with various people from Angel: the
Series, but it's hard to tell what is role-play and what is reality. For
instance, Angel discusses a case in Simi Valley, California, and acts
as though the agency is in LA, but Buffy II's DeadJournal from
the time lists her as living in Maine (citation available upon
request), which seems far more likely. It seems most likely that
they were enacting these Aeternum Investigations cases in
Maine, as a sort of reality-blurring psychodrama with a
metaphysical gloss that Draven call "bi-location."
What is bi-location? Draven describes it as, “a form of
existing/interaction wherein our people […] speak, interact, and
react as if they’re in a specific place in their own origin timeline,
thus facilitating certain experiences that they need to grow,
evolve, heal, or otherwise move on” (2018, May 8). In other
words, to quote an ex-follower: “To the outside viewer, this looks
like constant roleplay/LARP" (personal communication, 2017).
But Draven takes it extremely seriously, and it can get violent:
they describe “tears and screaming and maybe throwing things,”
pulling (unloaded) guns on each other, “sobbing hysterically, for
a full ten minutes,” and injuries including “a couple concussions”
(2018 May 8). And of course, since it’s all “real,” the participants
must continue until it is done, sometimes for solid hours; at no
time can they quit, the way one could in a game. “I used to get
bitched out about ‘ruining his uber’ or ‘breaking uber’ which is
the terminology he would use to mean we all had to front Matrix
personas like we were actually still in that world AND this one,
all the time,” an ex-follower reports (personal communication,
2018 June 18). “Real-life concerns were never allowed to take full
precedence.”
This is not acceptable behavior for plurals, whatever their
origin. If two people need to hash something out, wherever they
are, they can do it with a conversation. Under no circumstances
is drawing weapons, screaming, or attacking each other
acceptable; neither is pretending that the subjective and the
corporeal world are the same, or overlaying each other. That is
actively blurring one’s experience of reality to intensify emotion
and create traumatic bonding, and is far better at breaking
someone’s psyche than healing it. But Draven acts as though the
violence and intensity is a feature, not a bug: “turning that off
would be muting people’s legitimate responses to situations, and
we don’t do that” (2018 May 8).
But let’s get back to Angel. In December 2002, he starts
posting photos on what used to be William's website. Most of
them are selfies, but he also posts pictures of medals from his
competitions in Tae Kwon Do and talks about the weapons he
owns, including, "My signature weapon. Black nunchaku with
blue dragons on them," and a "dragon's-head sword cane" to
which he adds "since the sword has to unscrew from the rest of
the cane(even though two or three sharp twists of my wrist does
it nicely), it doesn't qualify as a concealed weapon..... meaning I
can take it with me more or less anywhere I go" (December
2002a, b, c, and d). Combined with his short temper and his later
arrests, it's all rather unsettling.
A couple months later, Angel posts his formal coming out
on his website, (2003 February 3). "I've been told I'm an excellent
'RP'er, that I 'play a rockin' Angel'," he writes, "and though I'm
grateful for these compliments, it's time I explained to all of you
WHY that is." He then posts what appears to be an IM chat log of
a follower explaining Angel to someone else: "[William] sort of...
Channels Angel. [...] william's life is entirely ic [in character]." The
follower adds, "Will...we call him 'the vessel' because it's sort of as
if will's body had Angel's soul and was seeking the retribution it
needs. [...] he's Angel."
It's the same narrative from the Crow, the seeking of
revenge and closure. But the context of who William is never
comes up; that system member will never be mentioned again, as
far as I can tell, and it’s unclear whether the follower even knows
William’s significance. Is William Mulder gone? Is he now just a
hollow shell Angel is acting through? It's hard to tell. Draven
certainly never bothers to clarify.
The web page isn't just a coming out, though. It's also a
rant, very similar to William's from two years earlier, complaining
about Angel's life and suffering being commercialized for the
masses. "I was me long before pop culture became a 'staple'" he
claims, (falsely: Angel had been on screen for at least three or
four years before Draven's Angel appeared) and "it has managed,
in more ways than one, to MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL." He
complains that people don't understand his guilt, his suffering,
his aching to let Angelus out. "Do you KNOW how many teenage
girls have said to me 'Oooh, Angelus is so much sexier than
Angel..... I love the bad boys and oooh, those leather pants.'
-sighs-"
It’s uncertain if he includes his own teenage "wife" in that
complaint, or the teenage girls who overwhelmingly make up his
followers. The whole thing is a backhanded insult to them, a
demand they bend over backwards to prove they’re not like
those other girls.
Angel goes on to explain, "I take my 'RP' so goddamned
seriously. It's an outlet for me, the only one I have, short of doing
my sword kata alone in the dark, Tae Kwon Do and the actual AI
office, my writing and my dreams...."
Imagine being Buffy II, getting up in the middle of the
night for a drink, only to find this man practicing martial arts
with a sword in the dark! But regardless, the AI office likely
doesn’t even corporeally exist; it’s merely an extension of the role-
play. And the role-playing isn’t an outlet so much as a
recruitment and grooming tactic. Angel, Sirius, Neo, House,
Anakin, the Phantom, all of them gain followers through role-
play, waiting until their fellow players are hooked before
disclosing their identities. Followers think they're playing a
game, only for it to take up more and more of their time, the
boundary between fantasy and reality eroded into nonexistence.
It becomes reality, a cause to save the world, a cult.
Even though Angel has long since deleted and purged his
Deadjournal, some of his followers' accounts still remain, bearing
witness to the breakdown of their reality. Connor describes
staying up all night with the group, having nightmares and
intrusive memories from the Buffy world (2004 March 18).
Another follower worries he's having prophetic nightmares (Jon,
2003). They and Angel all mention a coming war (Jon, 2004;
Connor, 2003 February 24a).
It's not just on Deadjournal either. Aeternum
Investigations becomes Angel Investigations, and in April of 2003,
Angel creates a current events blog for its formal opening, (2003
April 19) then a proper website (2004 February 8). On the latter
is a special note with the words, "It has been brought to our
attention recently that a lot of people [...] have been feeling
something akin to 'a mounting concern'.... for something that
may or may not happen, but nonetheless feels like it's going to.
[...] These feelings and precognitive perceptions are highly
subjective and personal [...] but [...] they all have a common
denominator: A coming battle, some disaster or Apocalyptic
event, or the need to gather together with people who have had
similar sights.... feelings.... experiences.... to […] prepare for it"
(Draven, 2003 October 17a).
Whatever the nature of this vague future hypothetical
event, the web-page reassures, "We're here..... when you need us.”
Naturally, the Angel Investigations homepage has a
disclaimer that they have nothing to do with the Joss Whedon
show (Draven, 2004 February 8). But what exactly do they do?
Mostly, the site is a rehash of Black Fox Solutions; they even
mention helping with "UFO or Abduction Sightings and Reports"
(2003 October 17b). They also mention being available for
"Bodyguarding, Protection, and Safety Companion Services,"
stating, "We put safe resolution of all conflicts as our top priority,
using force only when absolutely necessary and when there is no
other choice" (emphasis his) (ibid). Why would Angel consider
himself up to the task of being a bodyguard? What are his
credentials? He offers none, and his earlier fixation on
impractical, highly decorated weaponry doesn’t help.
The whole thing doesn’t appear particularly convincing
for adults, but perhaps it would appeal to teenagers who don’t
know what bodyguard duty actually entails. A proper martial
artist wouldn’t care whether their swords and nunchaku had
dragon decorations on them, except as a sign that they’re meant
for decoration. To a child, however, such details might seem
cool, a sign of maturity and worldliness.
Tellingly, the first thing Angel offers assistance in above all
else is "Lost or Missing Children and Teens" (2003 October 17b).
"Are YOU a 'lost or missing teen'?" The page reads. "Are you out
there wandering, not knowing who to turn to? Are you in
trouble with the law, with drugs or alcohol, or just lost in
general? We can help. Whether it's a safe shelter, a hot shower,
and a phone available to call your family, whether it's a direction
to be pointed in -- human services, a shelter, a drug and alcohol
rehabilitation program, other things -- we can help." And despite
his apparent disdain for teenage girls, he wants them not just as
clients, but as followers too. Buffy II is eighteen, but Bar, Connor,
and Faith are all younger, and Connor in particular will become
one of Draven’s most devoted followers.
On Angel: the Series, Connor is Angel's son, but Draven's
Connor is staunchly female (Connor, 2004 November 12).
Nevertheless, Angel persuades her that he is her "true" father on
a spiritual/metaphysical level (Draven, 2003 November 4) and
she is metaphysically Connor, quantum-reincarnated from the
show. It works: Connor takes to calling Angel “Dad" (2004 April
19) or “Pops" (2004 May 4) and in a later online survey declares
that Angel knows her the best, is closest to her, and of all the
people in her life, talks to her most on the phone and online
(2004 November 12).
In the early grooming love-bombing stage, Angel leaves
loving, attentive comments on Connor’s blog posts. By November
of 2003, he's saying things like, "no matter what happens, I love
you and I'm here for you anytime, under any circumstances.
You're truly my C.F. [Connor Finnegan], and i won't ever forget
that... I owe you a debt that I can't ever repay, except to be the
best fiend [sic] and 'Dad' I can be" (2003 November 4). A few
months later, he tells her, "You're my hero. I couldn't be prouder,"
(2004 April 18) and compliments her on her devotion, saying,
"You're the most loyal son anyone could hope to have, and I will
ALWAYS love you" (2004 April 22).
Draven lies about his love, but he is sadly correct about
Connor's loyalty. She takes to signing her posts with the name
he’s given her, Connor Finnegan Kirwan Draven (2004, June 1),
and all of her Deadjournal posts name her as "Kiddo AKA C.F,"
basing her identity around her relationship to Angel just as Buffy
II did. She becomes so invested in Angel's Mission that when she
turns eighteen, she has a fight with her parents over him (2004,
November 10). "My folks have made it quite clear that that I am
NOT allowed to use my [birthday] money to go visit Dad in
Maine,which is pissing me right the fuck off," she posts. "I've
been wanting to go visit Dad for little over three years,this isn't
fair!"
Tellingly, Angel draws her fictional incarnation's portrait,
twice, (2004a and b) but never her actual self. It seems he is
unable to see Connor as she is, only as he wants her to be.
Connor isn't the only one, either. Much like Anthony
Shriek, Angel has pretensions of becoming a painter, and he
creates an art website, Draven's Domain (2004c). While he claims
to be a "Symbolist/Surrealist" who is "inspired -- but not directed
-- by Dali, Escher, Giger, Munch, and Bosch," his gallery is
populated entirely with Buffy fanart of mediocre quality, clearly
copied from the show (Draven, 2004a, b, and d). The flatness of
the images, the odd heads floating over random textures, all
suggest Draven copying images without understanding the
underlying structure. For instance, the image below was likely
copied from the photograph at left, but since Draven didn’t
understand the structure of anatomy and lighting, his shading
ends up awkward, with an erased line down the right side of
Connor’s face and disproportionate attention drawn to the
indentations above the upper lip.
(Promo image from Angel: The Series, vs. Angel’s 2004 sketch)
There are only a couple paintings that contain any
originality, and all show a novice’s understanding of anatomy,
lighting, and perspective. One depicts a blond-haired girl,
presumably Buffy, and a black-haired man, presumably Angel,
hanged on trees next to each other, reaching out to touch hands.
Angel’s caption reads, “This piece speaks to the dichotomy that
none of us can exist without; Good and Evil, Heaven and Hell,
dark and light” (Draven, 2003b). It certainly seems to mesh with
the fixation all of Draven have on their partners cosmically,
metaphysically balancing them, though I have no idea why both
are being hanged. Is it a statement on being lynched, being
misunderstood by the people around them? Who knows.
Ruin and Repent is more interesting. A self-portrait, it
depicts Draven as Christ on the cross, a literal broken messiah
(2003a) while what appears to be an apocalyptic volcano erupts
in the background. Angel seems unaware of the egotism and
grandiosity inherent in such a comparison.
Draven accompanies the painting with a description: “We
are all martyrs to our own cause. Alone, cast out, waiting for the
crowd to come and watch us slowly wither to nothing. This
piece speaks to our fears, our nightmares -- but also to our hope,
our joyousness, our hope of salvation and redemption" (2004c).
For three sentences, this description says a lot.
Purification and salvation is a theme Draven will return to again
and again; recall that William also described his BDSM with
Krycek as “redemption” (2001, June 13). However, this is the first
time that Draven admits that their redemption requires others
witnessing it. It’s not enough to save humanity; they need an
appreciative audience. Otherwise, they are nothing. This will
become a clear influence on their behavior to this day.
There also might be a more literal meaning to the painting;
in the background, there is what appears to be an erupting
volcano, or perhaps the Hellmouth of Buffy lore. Perhaps the
work is just a bald statement of Angel’s role in saving humanity
from a demonic apocalypse, via his own self-sacrifice (witnessed
and reflected by others, of course).
Interestingly, Angel draws himself, not the fictional actors
he uses when drawing all of his friends. It’s as though he’s the
only person who gets to be real in his own mind.
Like Kurt's band, these artistic pursuits don't seem to
come to anything; aside from one self-reported gallery show in
July (2004f), I can find no mention of sales, shows, or reviews.
This doesn't surprise me. Technical flaws aside, none of Draven
seem capable of artistic originality; they can only riff off of
existing works by other artists they admire--Kurt Cobain, Chris
Colfer, or Joss Whedon. Despite their rants about "Pop Culture"
or "PC," none of Draven seem capable of creativity without it.
Which is fine, except that they keep trying to portray themselves
as visionaries and professionals.
Through all of this, Angel isn't alone; he has Angelus with
him.