pirate_anon

Prydonian Revenge: Me (July 2018 on)

Within a day or two of my goodbye message, Panopticon
deletes their Dreamwidth and starts vagueposting about me on
tumblr (2018, July 6), Discord (2018, July 7), and Wordpress
(2018, July 21). And those are just the publicly accessible ones I
stumble on over the course of my research. One mutual friend
texts me with some unwelcome news: "They [Panopticon] called
y'all a non-survivor who thought they were sick and twisted for
their interest in cult stuﬀ. I chewed them out and blocked [them]
on Facebook" (personal communication, 2018 July 7). As far as I
can tell, that becomes Panopticon's narrative about me, that my
issue with them is not that their groups keep becoming
manipulative or culty by their own admission, but that they are
interested in researching cults at all, possibly bogarting my
spotlight.

I am disgusted, but not surprised. After all, Panopticon
massively misrepresented AUK's reasons for not being their
friend; why should they behave any diﬀerently with me? Indeed,
it's the exact same claim they made about AUK, that the only
reason anyone would accuse them of being cultish is to cause
them pain as cult survivors.

But Panopticon aren't content with vagueposting, and it
takes only a couple of weeks for them to go completely beyond
the pale. "I managed to get ahold of someone else LB fucked
over," Cass posts in the Gallifreyan Tradition Discord (2018, July
24). "My project today has been getting revenge in the most
Prydonian way possible." They frame this as protecting innocent
people from me, that they're "reaching out to the people LB have
hurt, and by extension, making it more difcult for them to hurt
others" (2018, July 24).

But that's not actually what they're doing. The people that
I've "hurt" are Tristan Grey and Draven, the subjects of Cultiples
#1 and #2, respectively. I won't rehash the content of those books
here, so the very short version is: Tristan was my penpal, and he is
in jail until 2030 for kidnapping, branding, and sexually
assaulting two teenage sisters (Moultrie, 2012). Since he's
forbidden the use of the Internet due to his crimes, he knows
nothing about what I've written and won't for another decade;
he certainly hasn't been hurt by it, since his crimes are already a
matter of public record. Draven, in the meantime, is a convicted
felon (State of Washington vs. Draven, 2007) who was also
arrested for threatening someone with a weapon (Morning
Sentinel Staﬀ, 2011 October 24), and it's true, they were quite
upset to fnd out that I'd made a book about them... but they only
knew because Panopticon told them. I did my utmost to try and
hide the book's existence from Draven, because they're a violent,
dangerous predator, as is Tristan. Panopticon knows this because
they specifcally asked to be on my cult flter to read my work;
they used the sources from my own bibliographies as contact
info.

Since Tristan is unplugged in jail, I face no danger from
that quarter. Draven, however, is a free multiple with an Internet
connection and a violent temper... and unfortunately, a
knowledge of my home city, which isn't too far from their
current residence. They're happy to do Panopticon's dirty work
for them, and commence doing so. Asides from legal and social
harassment on Dreamwidth (Lee, 2018 August 11, comment #10-
11), Patreon (private communication, 2018 August 17; Lee, 2018
August 23), and Gumroad (private communication, 2018 August
17; Lee, 2018 August 23), they also incite one of their followers to
make a tumblr post with my photograph and my working
location for a con, reading, "beat the person’s ass if you see them. I
don’t care if you think attacking someone is wrong, [...] this is self
defense" (BenCatZenKur, 2018 August 16). Enough people
challenge the tumblr post to get it taken down, and nobody
comes to harm me, but it certainly puts a damper on my con
weekend and causes me unwanted stress. As silly as they might
sound, I can't aﬀord to dismiss the threats; Draven has a slew of
domestic violence charges for a reason.

Panopticon can not claim ignorance or innocence;
Draven's social media account links are all buried in the same
citations as his threats of violence. There is no way that
Panopticon could've gotten that data and exposed me without
knowing the risk to my safety--indeed, that's the only reason
their behavior has any teeth, knowing that Draven is dangerous.
But Panopticon doesn't seem to see the danger as real. It all seems
an intellectual exercise to them, a game, as though none of this
has any meaning or signifcance. Which seems in line with how
they treated AUK, HIY, and Secretgal--as symbols, or video game
puzzles, rather than people.

Furious and desperate to shut down Panopticon so I at
least don't have to fght them and Draven at the same time, I go
public about all they have done, including the screen-caps of
them bragging about setting Draven on me, and I say exactly
what I think of them in the most vile language accessible to me
(2018, August 7). The screencaps do nothing for Panopticon's
reputation, and they pour gasoline on the ﬂames by creating a
new account to evade my block and leave me a comment: "I'm
not proud of what I did. But I'm also not apologizing for it"
(Panopticon, 2018 August 9b).

Cass also posts a defense on their new account, insisting
that I'm maliciously lying about their actions. Like all of their
previous defense posts where they're forced to engage with
claims in specifcs, it doesn't come out the way they think it does.
First, Cass says, "I'm not 'teaming up' with Draven, and I'm
DEFINITELY not 'teaming up with' Tristan Grey. I mean, the
latter is in prison, for fuck's sake. I have not spoken to Draven
beyond letting him know about the Cultiples zine. [...] [I] raised a
concern [with Black and Pink] about someone publishing
information about their pen pal because it undermined the
mission of solidarity with incarcerated LGBTQ+ people" (August
9a).

It's true, Panopticon didn't team up with Tristan... because
they couldn't. But I didn't undermine the mission of solidarity;
Tristan's crimes are public record. And even if they hadn't been,
he tried to manipulate me, recruit me, and groom me into an
unwanted romantic relationship, all of which is recounted in
Cultiples #1. Who betrayed queer solidarity, me or him?

Back to Panopticon. "I don't care if every word of what LB
Lee said about the other people they published zines about was
accurate. They sure seemed ready to publish actual libel about
me and mine, and in this situation, that's what matters [...] I know
LB claim they were doing it to spread awareness of manipulative
tactics in the plural community or something. But there are
BETTER WAYS TO DO THAT than a) publishing correspondence
from your prison penpal, no matter how disgusting and
irredeemable a human being he was, or b) selling a novel-length
call-out post for $12 a pop" (ibid).

Panopticon was on my cult flter for almost a year and a
half before we parted ways. They requested and received private
email copies of Draven's music, and a free rough draft copy of
Cultiples #2 (screencaps available upon request) and I never hid
my research tactics from them during that time; they never said a
word in detraction until this moment. In fact, they treated it as
popcorn fodder: in one post of text-only transcriptions of
Draven's Youtube videos, they commented, "I'm eagerly awaiting
more of this saga," and when I said, "if you want, I have posted
some of the early drafts of the write-up on a special flter. I can
add you to it..." Cass responded, "Oh, please do. I live for this shit"
(Lee, 2017 May 9).

Cass insists that I'm the one truly at fault for their
behavior, that I drove them to it: "when you're betrayed by
people you confded in, people you told fellow survivors of the
same cult to confde in as well, just because you don't ft their
pathetic idea of a good survivor narrative? Yeah. YOU GO A
LITTLE CRAZY, and sometimes you do shit you shouldn't"
(ibid). I feel that the reframing and victim-blaming is so obvious,
they don't require explanation. As for telling other survivors to
confde in me and the good survivor narrative, I have no idea
what they're talking about, unless they're seriously arguing that
making a cult is justifed as long as an abuse survivor runs it.

Midway through my fnal edits of this write-up, I realize
something interesting. This post, even though it's sent to me, even
though it's about me, doesn't seem to be FOR me. I'm always
referred to in the third person, as "LB." But if it isn't for me, who is
it for? Who is the "you" the post refers to?

My suspicion is that it's the Gallifreyan Tradition Society.
Let's take a look at their Infractions Protocol (Unknown Author,
2017 October 12).

According to GT's own rules, when a concern arises, "In
the event that the infraction/concern can not be worked out OR
is sufciently severe, the matter is brought to the Council as a
whole." In this case, Panopticon's oﬀense against me undoubtedly
constitutes a "Major infraction: threats to personal safety;
something that harms the GT or its reputation as a whole" (ibid).
(Though I raise my eyebrows at the equation of someone's safety
being equal to GT's reputation.)

The Council then "decides on Reparation--essay, apology,
etc." Once that is done, the oﬀender would then have "four
choices--accept the reparations, challenge the
reparations/accusations, reject Council recommendations
entirely, or some combination of the above" (ibid). According to
screencaps of the Gallifreyan Tradition Society disciplinary
hearing, which take place in Discord and are reposted on New
Gallifrey with permission, Cass accepted the Council's
reparations; they are "removed from their position as Chancellor
but retain their position on the Council for a period of no less
than six weeks, during which an essay addressing the severity of
the actions they took will be addressed" (New Gallifrey, 2018
August 14).

Though I didn't realize then, I now believe that this
randomspacemechanic blog post that Cass linked to me is their
required essay. That's why it refers to me in the third person and
makes appeals to "you," the reader, completely separately. That's
why it's flled with justifcations, rationalizations, obfuscations,
and distortions. They have no intention of changing my mind,
atoning, or apologizing; instead, they're trying to convince their
followers in GT that they are in the right, I am a predator and a
troll, and nothing needs to be done. Their essay, which is
supposed to be about their wrongs, is instead transformed into an
act of spin.

Indeed, Panopticon fnishes with shameless groveling to
their group: "I'm not trying to get them [LB] to forgive me by
posting this. I know what I did was terrible. I'm probably never
going to forgive MYSELF for sinking that low. When I do
something that's wrong, I do it with the knowledge that it's
wrong, and even if I put on a show of gloating about it, it still
keeps me up at night. But when LB do something that's wrong,
they pat themselves on the back for it, because it's all for the
greater good of Protecting Their Community." It's a public
performance of guilt and remorse, all the while sniping at me and
carefully avoiding any sort of apology or reparations; surely
feeling bad is enough and they need do no more.

This isn't about me, not really. This is about Panopticon
and their relationship to their followers, their fnancial,
emotional, and social support. By cutting the veil of vagueness
and discussing in concrete specifcs Panopticon's "mistakes,"
calling them what they are, I have threatened that relationship
just like AUK did. But I have two advantages that AUK did not:
undeniable proof, and a reputation.

Neither of these are AUK's fault. They're young, newer in
the community; I doubt they could've predicted the level of
predation they experienced, and in their condition, they were
unlikely to plan, save, and screencap in advance. Panopticon can
pass them oﬀ as a blip on the radar, unreliable, untrustworthy, a
"bad victim." But I'm signifcantly older, and I've been in the
plural community for over a decade. People may not like me, but
they know me, and some of them respect me. When I put my
weight behind AUK's accusations, say they have merit, and
provide evidence, that means something, and at least some of
Panopticon's followers know me through my work in plural
advocacy.

Maybe some of those followers have been trying to
suppress their own concerns. Maybe I'm bringing back all the
doubts and worries that AUK did, only now even more so.
Indeed, two strangers, unidentifable to me, create anonymous
accounts purely so they can contact me and ask for some of my
sources that are only available by request (Lee, 2018 August 7,
comment #22-30); they are surely associates of Panopticon in
some way, though whether friends, followers, or passerby I have
no idea. But regardless, clearly word is spreading, even if I can't
see or hear it.

One of my favorite writers, Spider Robinson, once said
that anger is always a masquerade for fear. It was certainly true
when I raged out on my blog at Panopticon, and I think it's true
with the randomspacemechanic post Panopticon made about me.
They aren't angry at me; they're SCARED of me, or more
accurately, they're scared that I might cause their followers might
leave. All the breast-beating and pseudo-remorse is intended to
reel their followers back into line, just like they did with AUK
and HIY.

This time, though, it doesn't work. Cass's behavior is so
blatantly atrocious, so clearly documented, that even the
Gallifreyan Tradition Society feels the need to make some
semblance of action--if only for appearance's sake. The New
Gallifrey community tumblr helpfully posts screencaps and
explanations of the GT disciplinary hearings that ensue, stripping
Cass of their Chancellorhood, but not their Council position,
along with the essay requirement (2018 August 14).

Recall that New Gallifrey is headed by HIY, former
President of the Gallifreyan Tradition Society; they would
certainly know the rules and Infraction Protocol, and how the
GT has dealt with troublemakers in the past. The New Gallifrey
council explains that Cass's punishment is a slap on the wrist, by
GT standards. A double standard is at work: "the terms of their
[Cass's] probation diﬀer signifcantly from the terms imposed
upon two other individuals who were placed on probation
during their tenure on the GT Council. In both other cases, the
Council members – both of whom held titled ofces – were
temporarily relieved of their ofce, position on the Council, and
Patrician title for the duration of their probation. Patrician
Cassandra was relieved only of their Chancellorship, but retains
both other honors. The High Council of New Gallifrey fnds it
odd and concerning that Patrician Cassandra appears to be held
to a diﬀerent standard by which it is more difcult to hold them
to the same level of accountability for their actions as any other
member." New Gallifrey also expresses their misgivings "that a
person who has just committed highly questionable actions
ostensibly disapproved of by the rest of the Council still retains a
position on the Council [...] we cannot in good conscience fnd
our divisions with the High Council of the Gallifreyan Tradition
Society favorably resolved, and we must reiterate our
condemnation of said body at this time" (ibid).

Since HIY's departure from GT, there have since been two
presidents at GT: Romana, who burned out in less than three
months and bolted, and now Isa, the follower involved in the old
Secretgal harassment campaign, along with the Trump Wank of
Rassilon. At this point, Isa has been president for less than six
months, but she follows the exact same script that Cass of
Panopticon followed during the AUK scandal. She makes a vague
apology, but to GT, not to me: "To those who have been aﬀected
by Patrician Cassandra's actions, I have been remiss in my duties
as Healer-President. I allowed my personal feelings to interfere in
the execution of my duties and did not act on those concerns
when I should have done so earlier. I sincerely regret not acting
sooner and apologize to those who may have been harmed or
otherwise made to feel unsafe or unwelcome in these channels"
(ibid).

It is a strange sensation to be wronged by someone, only
to then have a totally separate person making an apology about it
in the opposite direction. Annoyed, I post publicly on my blog
again, pointing out, "Not once do they mention me, what Cass of
Panopticon did, or that it was wrong. It is also placed on a
platform [Discord] where I am unlikely to ever see it. It certainly
wasn't SENT to me!" I go on to say, "even if you made [Cass]
apologize to me, it wouldn't matter, because it'd be painfully
obvious they're just doing it to get their stupid Chancellor-hood
back. It's not a real apology unless the person ACTUALLY
MEANS IT, and DOESN'T DO IT AGAIN." I also note that the
Council couldn't have completely disapproved of Cass's actions;
the screen-caps of Panopticon's boasting has another council
member, Raven, present and supporting it (LB Lee, 2018 August
14).

Within nine hours of my post, the Gallifreyan Tradition
Society is formally disbanded, and I am given the credit, or
perhaps the blame. Isa posts in Discord, "It is with the deepest
regret that I make this announcement. Due to the actions of
certain members, on LB Lee has focused on us and begun a
vicious smear campaign against the Gallifreyan Tradition as a
whole. This person has gone so far as to plant a spy in our midst,
who has been passing information direction from our group chats
to this LB Lee to be posted on their blog. [...] As of this time, the
High Council can not guarantee the safety of our members, as we
do not know who the spy is or what LB Lee is going to do with
this information. This has gone beyond role-play or
reconstruction. This is now potentially aﬀecting people's lives and
livelihoods in this world. By unanimous vote of the High Council,
the Gallifreyan Tradition as it stands now is disbanded. I am sorry
it has come to this [...] The Gallifreyan Tradition has fallen" (Isa,
2018 August 14).

It's surreal, reading the vision of me where I perform all of
Panopticon's wrongs, and to see GT in a furor over actions they
themselves have undertaken. After all, it was Narvin acting on
Panopticon's behalf who planted spies in Discord to stalk AUK. It
was Panopticon who created smear campaigns, turning a fanfc
writer like Secretgal into a pedophilic cult leader. And it was
Panopticon exposing me to Draven that risked my livelihood and
safety ofine. Perhaps what abusers fear most is a reversal in roles,
and thus they can't help seeing it everywhere. The words may
come from Isa, but the sentiment is all Panopticon.

Isa herself is not long for the presidency. Only a couple
weeks later, Isa posts, "I left the Gallifreyan Tradition. Or what’s
left of it. This whole thing with LB exploded to the point that I
couldn’t command the respect of my own Council. It was
'suggested' by 'Rassilon' [of Panopticon] that I step down from the
Presidency for six weeks for my own mental health and to 'fnd
myself.' Which is hilarious coming from one of the people who
was instrumental in breaking me down in the frst place. I left. I
knew exactly what would happen in those six weeks. In fact, it
took exactly four days for what I feared was going to happen to
actually happen. The one responsible for the whole mess
[Panopticon] was invited right back in to GT, and the rest of the
people in it were essentially told to not worry their pretty little
heads about anything" (2018, September 4). Raven, the councilor
who was there laughing when Cass was bragging about their
revenge on me, becomes the next President of what remains of
GT (Gallifreyan Tradition Society, Unknown Date B).

Isa mends her ties with HIY, joins New Gallifrey and starts
healing. She's angry, and who can blame her? "Those who tried to
abused [sic] me [...] would say that they tried to heal me. That is a
joke. They kept me dependent on them, as any good cult will"
(2018, October 13). Who would know better than someone as
deep on the inside as Isa, who was not just GT's president, but
Panopticon's roommate (Panopticon, 2018 May 16b) and fnancial
support (Panopticon, 2018 July 2) as well? If Isa says that the
Gallifreyan Tradition Society is a cult, then I believe her.

Once I calm down, I realize that Isa is not at fault for
Panopticon putting me at risk. She seems to have had nothing to
do with it, and yet she ended up the scapegoat, carrying the
weight of the responsibilities that Panopticon refused. Realizing
that her position was an impossible one, and that she probably
had to take the brunt of Panopticon's rage as their roommate, I
publicly apologize to her at her request (Lee, 2018 August 26).

The Gallifreyan Tradition Society starts to disappear. The
ofine households, Aesculus and Lavendula, shut down and
disperse (Isa, 2018 December 29; Unknown Author Unknown
Date D). All of the pages--the Patreon, the Facebook group, the
radio show--are abandoned, locked, or purged. By all obvious
metrics, the group no longer exists.

The harassment has continued since the summer, of
course, despite Panopticon's theatrical performance of never
forgiving themselves for what they did to me. On January 15th, I
learned that Panopticon or one of their circle fled an incident
report on me at Arisia, claiming that I "may be planning to
distribute one or more books [...] that allegedly contain
defamation and intellectual property violations, and that the
reporter has been doxxed, stalked, and harassed in relation to
these works" and that I must "refrain from distributing Cultiples
#1 or #2 at Arisia 2019" (private communication; screen-cap
available upon request). It never came to anything, and I
managed to use the publicity to throw a "cursed book sale" and
sell oﬀ the rest of my Cultiples #2 print run, but it was still
stressful.

The Arisia staﬀ did not tell me who reported me (as is
only reasonable), so naturally I thought it was Draven. But then I
realized it couldn't be. If it had been Draven, the complaint
would've solely been about Cultiples #2; Draven would rather eat
their own eyes than share the agony spotlight with anyone else.
The only person who has ever cared about Tristan's honor, who
has ever claimed I was the one preying upon him, was
Panopticon. And for bonus discomfort, I was informed of the
Arisia charges only two days after I made any announcement
that I would be there at all; clearly, Panopticon is keeping a
careful eye on me. I've forewarned events staﬀ at every event
since, and had no more problems.

But Panopticon (and the GT) aren’t done.

Prydonian Revenge: LB Lee (July 2018 on)

Prydonian Revenge: LB Lee (July 2018 on)

Prydonian Revenge: Me (July 2018 on)

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